February 6, 2011

Pills

Stay with me
You're the one that I need
You make the hardest things
Seem easy

Keep my heart
Somewhere drugs don't go
Where the sunshine slows
Always keep me close

If only you could see
The stranger next to me
You promise, you promise that you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs

Don't let go
We'll dig a great big hole
Down an endless hole
We'll both go

You're so blind
You can't save me this time
Hope comes from inside
And I feel so low tonight

If only you could see
The stranger next to me
You promise, you promise that you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs

I wish that you could see
This face in front of me
You're sorry, you swear it, you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs

(Take me)
I need your help
(So far away)
To pull me up
Take the wheel
(Take me)
Out from me
(So far)
Out from me

(Take me) If only you could see (I need your help)
(So far away) The stranger next to me (To pull me up, take the pain)
(Take me) You promise, you promise that you're done (Out from me)
(So far) But I can't tell you from the drugs (Out from me)

(Take me) I wish that you could see (I need your help)
(So far away) This face in front of me (To pull me up, take the pain)
(Take me) You promise, you swear it, you're done (Out from me)
(So far) But I can't tell you from the drugs (Out from me)

Keep my heart
Somewhere drugs don't go
Where the sunshine slows
Always keep me close

~Drugs or Me, Jimmy Eat World

Because sometimes, you're two people.

January 5, 2011

Change

Today I relearned how to knit.

Staring at a foot long piece of fabric that actually does look surprising like a scarf, I feel... Proud. Happy. Productive. Accomplished.

All from a foot long piece of fabric.


I want to be the girl
Picking a daisy from the side of the road
Twirling like the stem between my fingers
Joyous


December 6, 2010

The Mirror



This is the counterpart to my first post.

50% of 6th grade girls would rather be blind or paralyzed than "fat."

This is not acceptable.

November 28, 2010

Junkyard

You, me, and all the kings and queens
Buried in the junkyard
And every time a herald cherub sings
We rattle with the car parts
I was born to lie here patiently
Be dragged on by a black star
And you were told to glow majestically
And love until your hands bleed
You stole your mother's whitest gown
Swallowed like a sunbeam
And I stole your father's crusted crown
It shook us like a bad dream
They warned to lie impatiently
Waiting for the big swing
And you were more than dressing for a feast
Eat until your teeth bleed
Oh my royalty my hand goes out to you
You look painfully true
But I saw you cry like you used to laugh
When you looked around, were you looking back
At a lonely love as to sprouting beans
No one's quite as bloom as they play to be
I would love to stay but my work is through
I'm the truest song that was never true

-Page France

November 22, 2010

Something New

It's time for a change. I had my last blog for four and a half years. That's a long time. It was full of differing life phases, cataloging various stages of promises, broken hearts, and dreams... Generally, disarray. More than ever, though, it served as a reminder of the bouts of depression I've experienced, and while I would never wish I had not experienced them, it's time for something new.

Thus, this blog.

To be fair, this isn't just about a blog, transitions of life phases, or even my depression. It is, but it isn't. Lately I've been wanting to try something new with my life, and this seems like a good way to keep a record of it. I am my mother's daughter after all. :P Point being, this new thing is love and even *gasp* happiness. So far I think I've made a pretty good start. It began by falling in love, then transferring schools, and now I'm in the process of completely remaking myself. This includes the way I relate to others, the global community and economy, God, ideals, and basically every other large and slightly abstract concept. I want to find a way to integrate the good, the true, and the beautiful with a global perspective and the knowledge that I am severely lacking in knowledge and wisdom.

Instead of writing as a means of venting, which seemed to be more damaging than beneficial (yes, it actually did take me eight years to figure that one out), I want to write about things about which I'm passionate or find myself interested in at the moment. In short, this blog should become a medium by which I can develop myself as a person rather than a collection of rantings and ravings in a jumbled ball of emotions.

For example, in health psych we just finished a section on obesity in the United States. Did you know that 60% of adults in the US are overweight or obese? That's insane! It's beginning with the kids. You see, the food industry is serving us confections consisting primarily of salt, sugar, and fat. Endless combinations of nothing but salt, sugar, and fat. Disgusting. That's not even the truly horrible part. The horrible part is that the central audience is children, and their brain circuitry is actually being rewired by this overload of things that are bad for us. There is a legitimate, biological reason why children are experiencing Type II diabetes, a conditions that previously only affected adults. A prime example of this is the school system. Interested in keeping costs low, a friend recently told me that the elementary school she volunteers for serves the kids funnel cakes and s'mores for breakfast. Funnel cakes and s'mores. On a typical lunch menu for a month at any public school in the US, only three or four items are actually freshly prepared- the rest of the food is simply thawed and served. The beef the schools receive is the worst beef the slaughterhouses produce.
Speaking of slaughterhouses, that's an entirely different kettle of fish. Consolidations of smaller meat-packing industries, these corporations are churning through roughly 400 cows an hour... This means that there is no time to clean the knives that are slicing through the beef, meaning that the meat is being mixed with cow feces and urine and who-knows-what-else. Because of the severely high risk of contamination, which results in diseases like E. coli and salmonella, slaughterhouses are washing the meat in ammonia. The workers in these factories are primarily female, illegal immigrants, and experience sexual harassment on a daily basis. They receive little to no workers compensation for the many injuries that occur on the job and they are expected to return to work the day after work-related surgeries, or even the day of the surgery.

This is something I care about. This should not be okay, not for any of us.

It's time for a change.